Got a mule handy? Great! Because here's what one of the parenting magazines suggests you take along if you're traveling to, say, your brother-in-law's house for a long weekend with your baby:
A portable crib
A baby monitor
Stair gates
Covers for faucets
Covers for door handles
Plastic zip ties to secure cabinets
An inflatable tub
And a night light
If that's too much to "lug," the magazine suggests you do the sane thing and just get on the plane with some diapers and a Zip-Loc of Cheerios.
No, no -- it doesn't really say that. It really suggests that when you get to your destination you rent all that equipment, right down to the door handle covers.
It's been a tough week for Joran van der Sloot -- and not because he seems to have officially come out as a serial killer. No, I'm referring to the fact that his biggest ally the last time he got into a sticky situation with a girl has essentially disowned him in front of an international audience.
As the latest surreal van der Sloot saga unfolded on the news, I was intrigued to see that his mother, Anita, was oddly MIA. Day one passed, followed by two, and then three. After what seemed like weeks, she finally made a statement and it wasn't terribly mother-like: "I will not visit him in his cell. I cannot embrace him."
This is a snub I know all too well -- except that I'm not a serial killer. Although you wouldn't know it based on the relationship (or lack thereof) that I've had with my mother for the past 32 years.
Last time, I wrote about the desperate need for baby name manners among strangers. Today, I'd like to bring that closer to home. The most heated -- and saddest -- baby name conflicts I hear about happen within families.
Name choices are personal and powerful. They can strengthen bonds, but they can also drive wedges. When broader family conflicts are at work, they can even be used as weapons. The deeper problems are far beyond the scope of a baby name column. But within my name realm, I make this plea to parents: Whatever your family issues may be, please, never put your baby's name in the middle of them.
My sister, a single mom, is coming to visit this summer for 10 days, and her children are really a handful. They have awful table manners, don't clean up after themselves, and monopolize every dinner conversation. I love my sister, but she lets her kids get away with everything, and it wears me out just thinking about them being here!
Signed,
Already Annoyed
Dear Already Annoyed,
Just because people are related doesn't mean they have the same parenting style, or that their children have similar temperaments. And with the baggage of old hurts and grievances that most of us drag around, it can be especially easy for a relative's behavior to get under our skin or rub us the wrong way.
I have always loved the name Jack, so when I got pregnant I chose Jack as a boy's name. My boyfriend and I never even considered other names. I've told all of my mom's family and my friends the name for four months now, but just found out that my cousin on my dad's side has decided to name her baby (due two weeks before mine) Jack, completely by coincidence. Can I keep the name or should I give it up?
It's admirable that you're prepared to give up a name you've loved all your life to promote family harmony. But I'm glad to tell you it's probably not necessary.
Our 4-year-old great grandson has yelling, screaming tantrums if he does not get his way. He has been like this from the time he crawled. His 2-year-old brother is very calm and quiet. How can we get him to stop acting this way?
Signed, Tired of Tantrums
Dear Tired of Tantrums,
I'm sorry to hear about your great grandson's upsets. A child's temper tantrums can wear down even the hardiest caregiver; no doubt, it's especially difficult to manage when the behavior happens regularly, disrupting the peace of the household whenever he doesn't get his way.
Children living with family members other than their parents are at an increased risk for health and mental health problems, a recent study shows.
Far more children live with nonparental relatives -- in what is called "kinship care" -- than in foster care, about 2.8 million versus 800,000, but children from both groups suffer from similar health issues, according to the study presented at the Pediatric Academic Societies annual meeting in Vancouver, Canada.
"Children who live in kinship care with a relative have more special health care needs, mental health problems such as ADHD and depression, and dental problems compared with children who live with their parents," lead researcher Dr. Sara Eleoff, a pediatric fellow at the University of Rochester School of Medicine and Dentistry, says in a statement.
Creating a will is something all parents should do. Credit: lrargerich, Flickr
The baby has arrived, the room is decorated and you've got diaper changing down pat. But have you created a will?
It's a question that may strike you as maudlin, but experts say every parent should have a will and make guardianship decisions. As unpleasant as it sounds, if you don't get it in writing, a judge will be left to decide who raises your child if the unthinkable happens.
Draining as the process might seem, creating a will and guardianship papers is pretty easy to pull together.
First, find a lawyer. Check with family, friends or even a local parenting list serve for recommendations and make an appointment. Lawyers are necessary because of the legal nature of the will and guardianship papers.
Should I use a family name that's tied to a tragic memory for everyone? My mom's sister Cora was killed by a drunk driver when they were little girls. The driver was my grandfather's best friend. I want to name my baby girl after the aunt I never met, but I'm afraid it'll bring up too many sad emotions for my mom and my six aunts and uncles, rather than honoring her. I LOVE the name though, and I've always been told how much I remind everyone of little Cora.
- Concerned Daughter
Whenever we name children after relatives who have passed on, we tap into a swirling well of emotions. Introducing a newborn James, named for late Grandpa Jim, is likely to bring tears to your family's eyes. They come from a mixture of joy, mourning and sweet remembrance of a lifetime of memories.
You see, Reyes converted to Judaism and their daughter was being raised and schooled in the Jewish faith. The judge agreed with his wife that baptizing the child and taking her to church without her mother's consent was wrong and issued a court order prevented Reyes from "exposing his daughter to any other religion than the Jewish religion. ...", which would obviously include not taking her to Mass.
Reyes, however, violated the court order and was recently arraigned on a charge of indirect criminal contempt. He may face jail time.
After a long day at Disneyland, Ann's brother and sister-in-law put their 5- and 6-year-olds to bed and let their "very, very cranky 8-year-old hang out and torture us with his crankiness," recalls Ann (not her real name, for reasons that will become obvious):
"I suggested they put the boy to bed as well, to put him -- and all of us -- out of his misery. My brother went off on me with, 'Sis, until you have kids do not tell me how to raise mine! You have no idea of the politics that exist with bedtimes and older versus younger children!' I said, 'If it's about politics, aren't you the President in this house?'"
The conversation did not grow more cordial. As for Ann, "Suffice to say, I never offered a parenting suggestion again."
Good. Sort of. See the problem is this: Parents, like most humans, hate hearing advice, especially when it comes to childrearing. But they especially hate to hear it from someone who doesn't have kids.
I really want to name our soon-to-be daughter after my grandmother or my husband's grandmother. But my husband is not a fan of either name. We finally agreed to go with Lyla, using both of their names as middle names. Is Lyla Clara Melanie too much for a little girl? People keep telling me to just pick one but i'd hate to hurt either side of the family.
- Name Pleaser
You're not alone in wanting your baby's name to do double duty. Lot of parents today want to honor two (or even three or four) relatives with a single name. That's inevitable in this era of smaller families. When you have just one or two grandkids to carry on the traditions of two whole families, those kids' names have to do a lot of heavy lifting.
My husband and I love the name Agnes for our little girl. I made the huge mistake the other day telling my mother about "our" name and she made a big deal about how much she doesn't like it, and how my dad will "hate" it. I still love it. However, I have spent the last two days on the Internet trying to find alternatives. Nothing like the words from a mother to cause guilt and anxiety. Help!
- C
When you choose a name that goes against the fashion tide, you can expect mixed reactions. How should you react to nasty comments? You can take them to heart and reconsider your name choice. You can ignore them and hold fast to your own opinion. Or you can try to understand where they come from, to prepare an effective response. Let's try to understand your mom's reaction to Agnes.
Reality star Tori Spelling got an early Christmas present this year: Her bitter feud with mom Candy finally ended.
"Everyone asked, 'What do you want for Christmas?' and I said, 'Nothing, I got it. My family is together,'" Tori, 36, tells Life & Style. "Just watching my mother and my brother, Randy, and my whole family together, it's like, 'Wow!'"
Life & Style Weekly: What's it like to see your mother interacting with your kids? Tori Spelling: It's great, especially around the holidays. Nothing beats family. It's irreplaceable.
L&S: Speaking of family, are you and hubby Dean McDermott planning to give 2-year-old Liam and 19-month-old Stella a little brother or sister? TS: We definitely want a big family, but there's still a lot of poop going around our house right now. We'll wait until there's a little less maintenance!
L&S: After having two kids, how do you stay in such great shape?
TS: In all honesty, I don't follow a diet. And I don't exercise. I'm a super-busy mom. I'm constantly on the go. I'm lifting a 28-pound child, a 21-pound child. We're always running and doing stuff. I try to set a healthy standard for the kids too -- I make sure to incorporate protein and vegetables into their meals.
L&S: Would you say 2009 was a good year?
TS: It's been amazing. It's been emotional, and it's been trying, and 2010 is going to be even better. A lot of our prayers have been answered. So 2010 is going to be a true blessing for our family.
An ancestor is someone from whom another person is descended. Two people have a geneticrelationship if one is the ancestor of the other or if they share a common ancestor on their family tree.
Establishing a connection to your genealogy is one way to learn more about yourself. Discovering and understanding your relatives connects you to the past and can help you understand your own and your family members' traits, strengths and weaknesses.
Another reason for learning about your ancestors is to uncover health information that might impact you and your descendants. A study of your ancestors can reveal a predisposition to certain ailments or hereditary conditions.
With the advent of the Internet, tracing your ancestors has never been easier. Many great web sites exist to help others find long lost family members. Today's online libraries, public records and other resources make finding your ancestors a lot less expensive and time-consuming. Two good places to research your family tree are The USGenWeb Project and Ancestors.com.
